Congratulations! You have discovered the secret page that “THEY” don’t want you to see. What you are about to read is a dark, terrible secret. It was stumbled upon by the narrator of this story, The Bill. Those who have learned this secret have never been the same afterwards. This is your fair warning, because what you are about to read has been covered up for decades, and “they” want to make sure it stays that way. Remember what happened to the Go Nad named Larry Jones, a.k.a. Larry The Squealer? Exactly. So what secret could be so terrible that it would be covered up at any cost? Is it the truth behind Area 51? You wish. Is it the meaning of life? Yeah right. Is it the truth behind the moon landing conspiracy? No, it’s better. This secret my friends, is that Coca-Cola Ltd. and Pepsi Co. are in fact owned by the same person.

I'll give you a moment to get back in your seat.

It's true my friends. Coke and Pepsi are technically the same company. That company is called Poke Inc. It makes perfect sense when you think about it. Coca-Cola Ltd. starts up, and quickly becomes the soft drink supplier of choice, and makes butt loads of money. But as we all know, when something good comes along, about a million people copy it and try to be just as good as it or better (kind of like the Go Nadz and Jackass, only the Go Nadz are better). This is called "the competition". But the owner of Coke was smarter than that. He knew this would happen eventually and wasn’t going to sit back and let some pussy ass little company make billions as the competition. This is Coca-fucking-Cola we’re talking about! So he created his own competition. It's marketing genius if you ask me.

However there is one problem with this. There are certain “laws” and people who uphold these “laws” called “lawyers” and “the FBI” that say you can’t run both your company and the competition. It’s some stupid monopoly law that idiots who can’t run companies invented. This is why the owner of Poke Inc. has had to cover this up for so long.

So now, the owner of both companies reaps the benefits and profits of both Coca-Cola and Pepsi under total secrecy. Sure, on paper Pepsi and Coke are "owned" by different people, but they're only puppets to cover up the real owner's secrets. They get a certain percentage of the profits to keep their mouths shut, while the owner takes the rest.

Now there are those that disagree with me, namely one person. We'll call him Josh D. No no, too obvious. We'll call him J. Dick. Here is a picture of him on the cover of his new best-selling novel, "Trump: The Book"

Now I know what you're thinking. How could he disagree with me when I've made so many valid points? Well, Josh seems to think that he knows a thing or two about business, just because he's studying “Business Administration”. Like that’s a real career choice. More like, “I Don’t Know What To Do With My Life Administration”. He's obviously full of himself. He also thinks that if you market two big-time companies, such as Coke and Pepsi, you would lose money instead of making billions. I can prove this fact wrong with simple math, which obviously isn’t taught in “Business Administration”.

Assume it costs $1 to make a can of Coke, and $1 to make a can of Pepsi, just for arguments sake. Now assume that you can sell each of those cans for $2 each. Therefore it costs $2 to make the product, and you sell it for $4. You've made a profit of $2. Still following? Good, you’re officially smarter than anyone in “Business Administration”.

This simple mathematical equation shows us the owner's plan, which is working perfectly. He makes twice the amount of money in half the time by owning two companies. He also wants people like Josh out there, preaching that he doesn't exist.

But what kind of man wouldn’t want people to know he existed? Sure, he’s running a highly illegal secret company, but hell, at least 43 known Americans have done that. We just call them the President of the United States. Why would this man not want to be known? Well I’ll tell you why. It’s because the owner of Poke Inc. is one of the most wanted men in the world by the FBI. That’s right people, the owner of Poke Inc. is Osama Bin Laden.

I know, I was shocked too. Osama Bin Laden? It doesn’t make sense! But I will explain, for I assure you that it makes perfect sense.

Just think about it. Osama Bin Laden is a billionaire, yet he seems to have nothing. You’re saying “Yes, but he came from a very wealthy family” which is true. But you’re forgetting one little fact. Mr. Bin Laden is married to 3 women, and has 50 children. 3 women, and 50 children! Do you know how much money that costs? Most people in North America can barely pay to have one or two kids go to college or university. Osama has to pay for FIFTY! And you know what women that are married to rich guys are like! They spend all their husband’s money on fancy clothes and jewellery and perms and makeovers! I gotta tell ya, I would almost feel sorry for the guy if it wasn’t for the whole 9/11 thing.

So Osama had to come up with another way to get rich to fund his terrorist organizations and what not. Those things cost money people. Do you know how much you have to pay the families of suicide bombers? And let’s not even get into the cost of RPG’s and the endless AK-47 ammo. Every time you see those bastards on TV, at least half of them are shooting an AK-47 into the air yelling “JIHAD! JIHAD! ALALALALA!!” So what Osama was forced to do was secretly buy Coca-Cola Ltd. and create Pepsi Co. The rest is history.

You want more proof that Osama owns both Coke and Pepsi? Here’s some more simple math:

Now I must go. Two guys in black suits with FBI badges just showed up at my door. They say we're going for a ride! Sounds fun! See everyone later.

-The Bill